


Utterly Screwed

by Alisanne



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Banter, M/M, Rimming, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 18:57:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10040102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alisanne/pseuds/Alisanne
Summary: Valentine's Day is tough when your lover is a picky wizard.





	

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N:** Written for HD_Fluff's prompt #132: What NOT to get a wizard for Valentine's Day, and for another one of Slythindor100's January prompts# 203: Love is just a word until you find someone that gives it definition.
> 
>  **Beta(s):** Sevfan and Emynn.
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** The characters contained herein are not mine. No money is being made from this fiction, which is presented for entertainment purposes only.

~

Utterly Screwed

~

“Bloody hell, I’m so screwed.” 

“Well, yeah.” Ron shoved another biscuit in his mouth. “I thought that was the whole point of dating Malfoy in the first place?”

Harry rolled his eyes. “Not what I meant.” 

“So you’re _not_ getting screwed?” Ron shook his head. “Then why stay with him if there’s no sex? I mean there have to be benefits for putting up with him—”

“Ron! Focus!” Harry cried. “I _am_ getting screwed, and very thoroughly I might add, but if I don’t get Draco something brilliant for Valentine’s Day, I definitely won’t be getting screwed. Understand?” 

Ron frowned. “First off, ew, TMI, mate, and second, so when you said you were screwed you meant—”

“I meant not in the good way.” Harry ran a hand through his hair. “Now, as I said when we sat down, I need ideas for Valentine’s Day gifts for Draco. That’s why I asked you to join me for lunch today, so we could brainstorm.” 

“I thought it was for my scintillating company.” Ron grinned, his mouth full of biscuit crumbs. 

Groaning, Harry pinched the bridge of his nose. “You are not helping!” 

“Right. Sorry.” Ron sounded contrite. “How can I help?” 

Harry sighed. “I need gift ideas. What are you getting Hermione?” 

Ron beamed. “A book.” 

Harry’s shoulders slumped. “That’s not romantic enough for Draco.” 

Ron shrugged. “You know Hermione. She gave me list of books to consult for this year’s gifts. I got her the new Arithmancy book for Valentine’s, I’m picking up the new edition of Nelson’s Nebulous Necromancy for her birthday, and for Christmas, I’m pretty sure she wanted that new medicinal Herbology text.” 

Harry frowned. “And she specifically said that’s what she wanted for the most romantic day of the year?” 

Ron blinked. “Well, she didn’t come right out and say _that _, but she did give me that list, so I assumed—”__

Harry raised an eyebrow. “Ron, I’m pretty sure a book would be number one on any witch or wizard’s list of what NOT to get them for Valentine’s Day.”

Ron paled. “Bloody hell, you’re right. Valentine’s Day’s tomorrow, Harry!” 

Harry stared at him flatly. “You don’t say.” 

“I need to get her something good!” 

Harry sighed. “Yes, Ron, you do. And I am in the same sinking boat, because I have to shop for the pickiest, snarkiest arse on the planet.”

“You’re right.” Ron nodded. “You’re screwed.”

* * *

They left the restaurant and set off for Diagon Alley, Harry systematically rejecting Ron’s suggestions. 

“It’s too soon for jewellery,” he said when Ron nodded at the jewellery shop.

“Thank Merlin for that,” Ron muttered. 

“You’re not helping!” 

“Sorry.” Ron coughed, not looking the least bit sorry. “New robes from Malkin’s?” 

Harry snorted. “You know how particular he is about clothes! No way.” 

“A Crup?” 

“He’s allergic.” 

“Chocolate! We know he likes that.” 

“Everyone else gets him that already.” 

“Flowers?” 

“I brought him flowers once. After pointedly reminding me he’s not a girl, he used them for potion ingredients.” 

Ron shook his head. “What does he like?” 

“Money.” Harry groaned. “This is a disaster! At the rate, I’m going to be single after tomorrow.”

Ron brightened. “Hey, if that happens, I know this really nice bloke down in accounting who—”

“Ron!” Turning towards him, Harry grabbed his shoulders, shaking him. “I am in love with Draco! I don’t want anyone else. I want to make him happy because he makes me happy. Before we got together, love was just a word. He…he’s given that word meaning for me.”

Eyes wide, Ron stared at him. “Damn.” He exhaled. “All right, mate. I’m sorry, I guess I thought you were just…I dunno what I thought. I’ll help you, I promise.” 

Nodding, Harry released his shoulders, stepping back. “Thanks.” 

“Although it seems to me that maybe jewellery would be appropriate.” 

Harry blinked at him. “It would?” 

Ron patted his shoulder. “You seem pretty serious about him, is all. Anyway, we need to think about this.” He bit his lip. “Money’s the only thing he likes?” 

Harry still distracted by Ron’s words, shook his head. “Lately he’s been obsessed with Muggle culture, actually. He likes these expensive suits, and he’s been reading all about Muggle theatre.”

“That’s it!” Ron cried. “Take him out for a night on the Muggle town. Dinner and a show.” 

Harry blinked. “Oh my Godric, you’re brilliant! He will love that. Even better, I’ll spring for a Muggle hotel room, too. That way we can—”

Ron held up a hand. “I don’t want to know.” 

Harry grinned. “Fine, fine, I’ll spare your virgin ears. Now, what are you getting Hermione?” 

Ron groaned. “No bloody idea.”

Harry pursed his lips. “Well, have you thought about a book of poetry?” 

Ron raised an eyebrow. “That’s…not a bad idea.” He clapped Harry on the shoulder, almost sending him sprawling. “We need to shop for each other more often.” 

Harry smiled. “Your next opportunity is coming up soon. Draco’s birthday is in June.” 

Ron shook his head. “One holiday at a time, mate. One holiday at a time.”

* * *

Standing in front of Draco’s door, Harry took a deep breath before knocking. 

The door opened immediately. “Harry.” Draco, looking breathtakingly handsome, was dressed in a Muggle suit as Harry had instructed. “Right on time.” 

Harry smiled. “After months of dating you, I’ve learned the virtue of punctuality,” he said. 

Draco smirked, leaning forward and kissing him. “I should think so,” he murmured against his mouth. Stepping back, he raised an eyebrow as he gave Harry a slow once-over. “Tom Ford. Very nice.” 

Harry shrugged. “I couldn’t very well tell you to dress up and then not dress up myself.” 

“Well, you _could_ ,” Draco said. 

“Not if I want you to be happy,” Harry said, holding out his hand. “Shall we?”

“Where are we going?” Draco asked after he’d locked his door and as they walked arm in arm away from Draco’s predominantly Muggle neighbourhood and towards the Apparition point. 

“It’s a surprise.” 

“I hate surprises,” Draco muttered. 

“Liar. You love surprises.” 

Draco snorted, but didn’t dispute Harry’s claim. 

When they arrived, he looked around. “Where—?” His breath caught as he spotted the bright, neon lights. “New York?” 

“Mmhm. Well spotted.” Harry steered him down the street. “This way.” 

When they neared their theatre, Draco’s eyes went wide. “You got _Hamilton_ tickets? How in the world—?”

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” Harry grinned. “And don’t ask. Let’s just say some Muggles decided they didn’t want theirs.” 

Draco raised an eyebrow. “Harry Potter. You did _not_ enchant Muggles in order to get theatre tickets.”

Harry hummed. “If you say so.” 

“Salazar.” Draco stared at him as if he’d never seen him before. “You did? You do realise that’s breaking the Statute of Secrecy?” He smirked. “Not to mention very Slytherin. Well done.” 

“Thanks, although no, I didn’t break any laws.” Harry smiled. “Relax. As it turns out, I knew someone who knew someone who had tickets, although they’d already seen it. They agreed to let us have them.” 

Draco shook his head, looking almost disappointed. “I shouldn’t have asked.” 

Laughing, Harry led him inside. “This way. We’ve box seats.” 

All though the show, Draco was enraptured, and by the time they left, he was humming one of the catchier tunes. 

Ducking behind the theatre, Harry then Apparated them to [One If By Land, Two If By Sea](http://oneifbyland.com/#!), the restaurant he’d looked up. When they were seated, Draco looked around. “Impressive.” 

“Thanks. The food’s supposed to be brilliant.” 

“We’ll see.” Over cocktails, appetisers, and dinner, Draco raved about the show. “—never thought I’d get to see it.” 

Harry just smiled and nodded, his stomach churning as he contemplated his last gift, resting heavily in his pocket. 

When the waiter brought them the restaurant’s signature dessert, chocolate mousse cake for two, Draco’s eyes went wide. “If this is half as delicious as it looks, you are getting the best sex of your life tonight.” 

Harry coughed, shifting in his chair as his cock actually _flexed_. Since regular sex with Draco was pretty spectacular, he wasn’t sure how it could get better. 

When he said as much to Draco, Draco simply smirked. “You’ll see.” Dipping his fork into the cake, he took a bite. “Salazar,” he moaned. 

Harry sampled it, groaning as the mixture of dark chocolate and mild chocolate with a hint of raspberry melted on his tongue. “Bloody hell.”

“Oh yes,” purred Draco, licking chocolate off his lips, his eyes trained on Harry’s. “You’re getting quite the reward tonight.” 

All Harry’s breath escaped in a rush. “Let’s hurry up and finish this,” he ground out. 

Draco laughed. “Eager, are we?” He took another bite, closing his eyes and whimpering as he did so. 

“Fuck, yes.” Harry swallowed hard. “The only other time I’ve heard you make that noise is when I’m balls deep inside you.” 

Draco’s eyes popped open and they were dark with desire. “Let’s get out of here.” 

“But the pudding—” 

“We’ll take it to go.” 

“You are fucking brilliant,” Harry breathed, signalling the waiter. 

Draco smirked. “Of course I am.” He winked. “And I’m brilliant at fucking.” 

Harry groaned. He really was. “Come on,” he said, extending a hand to Draco once the pudding had been wrapped up and he’d surreptitiously shrunk and pocketed it. “Our hotel awaits.” 

“Hotel?” Draco laughed softly as Harry steered him out of the restaurant. “Really, Harry, you’ve gone above and beyond. Not that I mind, of course—”

“Draco?” Harry said as they ducked behind the restaurant. 

“Hm?” 

Harry grinned, hauling him close. “Shut up.” And before he could react, Harry kissed him, and, reaching into his pocket, he activated the Portkey. 

When they landed, Draco staggered, pushing away from Harry. “You bastard! You know I hate Port—” He froze, his eyes focussing on something behind Harry. “Is that—?”

Harry spun, looking out the window at the Eiffel Tower. “Oh,” he said lightly. “I guess it really does look like that— Oof!”

Draco tackled him onto the bed, sending him sprawling. 

Grinning up at Draco, Harry said, “I take it you approve of our location?” 

“I adore Paris, as you well know.” 

“Hm, I suppose you may have mentioned it—”

Eyes blazing, Draco held Harry’s gaze as he slowly stripped out of his suit, letting his clothes fall where they would. “You’d best get naked,” he said matter-of-factly. “Or I’ll rip those clothes off you, Tom Ford or not.” 

“Yes, sir.” Panting, Harry started to shuck his kit. He still had his trousers and pants on by the time Draco was naked. His hands shook as he watched Draco advance, a predatory look on his face. 

Without a word, Draco yanked Harry’s trousers off, tossing them over his shoulder. Then, climbing on top of Harry, he smirked down at him. “You’ve done a lot of work to give me all this,” he purred. 

Harry grinned. “Nice of you to notice.”

Draco hummed. “Time for your reward.” 

Harry opened his mouth to respond, but Draco didn’t give him a chance, leaning down and capturing his lips in a fierce kiss that, after a long moment, morphed into a slow, sensual exploration of Harry’s mouth. 

Giving himself over to Draco, Harry let himself be kissed, wrapping his legs around Draco’s waist and arching up. Draco gasped into his mouth, and the kiss deepened, becoming languorous. 

Draco slid a hand down Harry’s side, caressing him, and, shuddering, Harry shifted, pressing closer. “What do you want?” Draco whispered, moving his mouth over Harry’s jaw and neck. “We can do anything you want.” 

Harry groaned. “You. I want you.” 

“You want me to do what?” Draco murmured. He shifted, kissing his way down Harry’s chest. 

“Fuck me.” 

Draco’s soft chuckle tickled Harry’s sensitive skin. “You just want me to do all the work.” 

“You did offer—”

“Point.” Shifting, Draco kissed Harry again, a soul stealing, intense kiss Harry felt all the way to his toes. Reaching between them, Draco stroked Harry’s cock to full hardness until Harry was arching up under him, whimpering. 

Nudging Harry over onto his stomach, Draco kissed his way down his back before parting his arsecheeks and, after a whispered Cleansing Charm, he ran his tongue around the rim of Harry’s opening. 

“Draco!” Harry shouted. 

Chuckling darkly, Draco simply pressed his face to Harry’s arse and went to work, licking him open in the most teasing way possible. By the time he was done, Harry was pushing back, fisting the sheets and begging. 

“Soon, baby,” Draco said, pulling his face away. “Soon.” 

Harry humped the bed, desperate for some friction against his cock, and when Draco slid his fingers inside him, he shouted into a pillow and spread his legs even wider. 

“Fuck,” Draco breathed. “You should see yourself. So fucking gorgeous.” 

“Hnng,” Harry babbled. 

“I know, I know,” Draco soothed, even as he twisted three fingers inside Harry. He curled his fingers, judging Harry’s prostate, and Harry almost came off the bed. “Got it,” Draco said. 

Removing his fingers, Harry felt the slickness of a Lubricating Charm wash over him and he arched his back, wordlessly offering his arse. 

“Salazar,” Draco breathed, and then the blunt pressure of his oiled cock pressed against Harry’s hole. 

The burn of penetration brought Harry back down for a moment, allowing him to centre himself, but within moments Draco was fully in, his cock filling Harry, pressing against all the sensitive places. “Yes,” he groaned. “Please.” 

“Relax, I’ve got you,” Draco murmured, his chest pressed to Harry’s back. He kissed Harry’s shoulder while remaining still in order to allow Harry to adjust. “Oh, and Harry?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Happy Valentine’s Day.” Withdrawing, Draco thrust back in smoothly, moving in and out, setting up a sinuous and sensual rhythm and soon had Harry sobbing. 

Draco was panting, his breathing getting erratic, and, after shifting his body a few times, he finally started to push right against Harry’s prostate. 

Harry’s body lit up with sensation. “Fuck!” he cried, spreading his legs as wide as he could and pushing back. “Yes!” 

Draco pounded away at that spot, sending sparks of sensation up Harry’s spine. When his orgasm came, it was almost a surprise, washing over Harry in a wave of overwhelming sensation and heat and light. 

Never slowing, Draco fucked him through it, although as Harry collapsed onto the bed, wrung out, his rhythm went rough and he sped up, seeking his own pleasure. After a few more thrusts, he was coming, spurting inside Harry while grinding his hips against him. 

A moment later, he, too, was collapsing onto Harry’s back, breathing heavily. “You okay?” he finally asked, rolling off Harry and onto the bed.

Harry, sated, cracked open one eye and looked at him. “What, the mind blowing orgasm wasn’t convincing enough?” 

Draco laughed softly. “Just checking I didn’t break you. Bad form to break one’s boyfriend on the most romantic day of the year.” 

Harry smiled. “True.” Reaching out, he pulled Draco in for a tender kiss. “That was brilliant, thanks.” 

Pulling away, Draco stared in Harry’s eyes for a long moment, his expression serious. “Thank _you_. This has been the best Valentine’s Day gift I’ve even had.” 

Heart full, Harry smiled. “You’re welcome.” 

“I got you something, too, by the way.” Expression unsure, Draco held up a hand and a moment later, something flew into it. “It’s not nearly as extravagant as what you’ve done, but—”

“Shh. You know I don’t care about tha—” Harry’s mouth fell open as Draco pressed a key into his hand. “Wait, is this—?”

“It’s the key to my place,” Draco confirmed, his voice hesitant. “It’s not much, not like all you’ve done for me, but I thought it would make it easier for you to come over since I’m not on the Floo Network—Ummf.”

Harry, who had risen up and tackled Draco onto his back, took his face in his hands and, pressing their lips together, poured everything into the kiss, letting him know just how he felt. When they surfaced for air, Harry laid his forehead against Draco’s. “It’s the best gift ever. Thank you.” 

Draco hummed. “It’s nothing like taking your partner to New York for dinner and to see Hamilton and then a night in Paris—”

“It’s brilliant,” Harry interrupted. “Just like you.” Yawning, he shifted, lying down beside Draco. “And I’m utterly knackered.”

Gazing over at him, Draco smiled. “How long do we have in this room?”

“Until tomorrow. Why?” 

Draco licked his lips. “I think we need to take advantage of it.” Rolling over to face Harry, he started to fondle him. “We can sleep when we get home. Think you’re up for a ride?” 

And as Draco crawled on top of him, Harry found he wasn’t nearly as tired as he’d thought. Although he clearly had been right. He really was screwed. Deliciously, fabulously so. 

~


End file.
